The Photos:
What She Needs to See
Your Main Photo
You, alone, smiling, in natural light. Outside is ideal. No sunglasses hiding your eyes. No group shots where she has to guess which one you are. No car selfies. She needs to recognize you at a coffee shop. Make it easy.
Current Photos Only
Two years maximum. That is the rule. We are going to meet you today, not in 2015. If you gained weight, lost hair, or look different than your photos, she is going to feel misled when you show up. Start the relationship honestly.
Show Your Life
One photo doing something you actually love. Cooking, hiking, at a game, with a dog, traveling. It gives her something real to react to and something specific to ask you about. This is how conversations start.
What to Leave Out
The fish. The bathroom mirror. The extreme close-up. The group photo where I cannot find you. The photo from your kid's wedding in 2011 where you are clearly cropping someone out. All of it. Gone.
The Bio:
Before and After
John, 60
San Antonio, Texas
"San Antonio native seeking meaningful connections with like-minded individuals."
Looking for: long-term relationship, something casual, chatting, friendship
- Written by a robot, not a human
- "Like-minded individuals" says nothing specific
- Checked every single box for what he wants which means he wants nothing in particular
- She has no idea who this man actually is
- Zero reason to swipe right
I'm a San Antonio native who still loves this city after 60 years. On a good Saturday you'll find me at a local restaurant I've been meaning to try, arguing about the game with people who take football as seriously as I do, and probably ending the night with something I baked from scratch because yes I do that and no I'm not sorry.
I'm a man of faith and it's important to me that you are too.
I know what I want at this point in my life and it's pretty simple. Someone real. Someone I can have an actual conversation with over dinner and still be laughing with at midnight.
If that sounds like you, let's find out.
- Specific, real, and immediately interesting
- Shows personality without trying too hard
- States his faith clearly and respectfully
- Knows what he wants and says so
- Ends with a clear and confident invitation
Mike, 66
Central Texas
"A decent guy, single, electrician."
- "Decent" is the lowest possible bar to set for yourself
- His entire bio is his job title which is already listed in his stats
- Nothing about who he actually is as a person
- Nothing that makes her want to know more
- He has great interests listed but none of them made it into his bio
I'm an electrician in Central Texas which means I'm the guy your friends call when something stops working and also the guy who actually shows up and fixes it. I take that same approach to most things in life.
I'm into the NFL probably more than is reasonable, I appreciate good food whether that's a great restaurant or something I made myself, and if you want to talk about dogs I will talk about dogs for an unreasonable amount of time.
I'm looking for something real with someone who actually wants to show up for another person. No games. No confusion about what this is. Just two adults who like each other figuring out if this goes somewhere.
My perfect day involves good food, something worth watching, and someone worth talking to. In whatever order they happen. If that sounds like your kind of Sunday, let's talk.
- Turns his job into a personality insight
- Uses his actual interests in a specific and charming way
- Clear about what he wants without being desperate
- Paints a picture of what life with him actually looks like
- Ends with a warm specific invitation
The Opening Message:
What Works and What Doesn't
Three Rules That
Change Everything
Be Specific
Generic is invisible. "I love to travel" tells her nothing. "I spent three weeks in Portugal last year and I am still thinking about the food" tells her everything she needs to start a conversation. Specific is interesting. Always.
Be Current
Show her who you are right now. Not who you were. Not who you think she wants to see. The man who shows up to coffee needs to match the man in the photos and the bio. Start as you mean to go on.
Be Clear
Women over 50 are done with ambiguity. If you want a serious relationship, say so. If you are taking things slowly after a divorce, say that too. Clarity is not desperation. It is respect for everyone's time including yours.
Be Yourself
The goal is not to attract every woman on the app. The goal is to attract the right one. Write the profile that represents who you actually are and you will find someone who actually wants that person. That is the whole point.
